Brett Ethridge (00:02.456)
Hello and welcome to another episode of the Faithful Fatherhood podcast. am Brett Etheridge joined by Perry and special guest on this episode, JP Hughes. Welcome to the show,
Perry (00:13.816)
Woohoo! Stuck to be here. yeah, it's gonna be a good one.
Brett Ethridge (00:18.296)
So for longtime listeners, you have heard from Perry, obviously a lot and several of Perry's other kids, guess two of his other sons, his other two sons, but not yet from JP, his oldest, who you have heard Perry reference and talk about at various times. All good stuff, JP. Don't worry. He's not talking about you behind your back, but just talking about coming of age trips and things that you guys have done together. But we're pleased to welcome you to the show and hear from you firsthand. So again.
Welcome, excited to have you here.
Perry (00:48.974)
Thanks, I'm real glad to be here. It's been something I've wanted to do for a while, so I'm excited.
Brett Ethridge (00:54.51)
Yeah, it's good to have you on. He's my fishing guide as well for those of you. We've told a few stories last summer. I guess, my gosh, it's been two summers now. It wasn't this past summer. was two summers ago. Yeah, two summers ago, we went out to the coast and they took us on a fishing charter and caught a little mini shark. Ben caught a little mini shark and it was great to get to know JP a little bit more during that trip and so forth. But a good young man who is coming of age.
Perry (01:04.58)
Hard to believe. Yeah. Yeah, it's been a while.
Brett Ethridge (01:22.444)
And that's the conversation we want to have. for context, we on this podcast over the last several episodes, I'll flash the book up on screen if you're watching, been going through this book, Stand Firm and Act Like Men and really teasing out relevant things for us to be thinking about as men and fathers and what it looks like to be a man in today's world and stand firm for our families and so forth. But we wanted to get a perspective from the other side, from somebody who is
thinking about starting to think about maybe not for the first time becoming a man and what that would look like. And Perry had referenced the fact that this book even came on his radar on a trip where they listened to the audio book. So JP, you've read this book, right? Or at least listen to the book.
Perry (02:05.654)
I have, have, yeah, it's a really good book. I like it a lot.
Brett Ethridge (02:09.686)
Okay, so we're going to talk about a little bit. so Perry, maybe I'll turn it over to to provide a little bit more context and, and, you know, ask about a few of the things that have come out in the book. But then I just have some other questions just to talk to you about JP and just get a sense of what what are young men thinking right now in the world today? And how does this book apply? Not just for those of us who are fathers, but for people who aren't yet fathers, maybe thinking about starting families and, and transitioning to
Perry (02:12.535)
Awesome.
Brett Ethridge (02:37.986)
manhood. And so that's the conversation we're going to have today excited about it, Perry, I'll let you sort of take it away from here.
Perry (02:43.428)
Sure, yeah, I'm really excited about it too. It's just fun to sit here with the mic and my eldest and think about doing this show today because obviously Brett, you and I know that...
these things don't happen overnight. the listeners know too, this isn't a one-time deal where we're sitting here and doing a podcast and talking about manhood, but it's literally been 18 years of me pouring into JP, other role models pouring into him throughout his childhood, his young adult start, his teenage years, all these things. And so it's an ongoing process and it's fun to sit here today and kinda...
talk about it a little bit. So just to give the listeners a little background, JP just turned 18 years old and you know, the world says he's an adult now. The government says he's an adult. He can go bleed and die and you know, whatever for his country. He can buy a lighter, I think now and cigarettes, no beer yet, but you know, vote, all these things, right? And so I think that one of the things I want to talk about some today too, if we get the chance, is just our approach. My, you know, my
approach and my wife Nancy's approach to once the kids turn 18 is it like oh you got to kick them out of the house oh they're adults oh they got to start acting like all these all these certain ways and like no that's not it you know JP can attest to the fact that we've always told the kids yeah if you have to have college for the career path you want to choose then we support that to go to college just because doesn't make sense to us JP is I believe
Adopted that mindset pretty wholeheartedly. I mean, I think school is probably on your Ready ready to be done with it less than favorite things about life. Yeah. Yeah very
Brett Ethridge (04:35.394)
Well, let me interject and just ask about that, right? So you are 18 now. It's at the time of this recording, April. When does school end for you? Are you having a graduation ceremony? The listeners will know that you guys have been homeschooled. So what does that look like? What does the summer look like in the immediate future? What is kind of the transition period out of the high school years even look like for you?
Perry (04:59.46)
Yeah, we are gonna do a graduation ceremony. It's gonna be me, my cousin, and then a couple people from church. We'll be doing that in May, and then I will hopefully be able to be done with school by then, but I might be doing a little bit over the summer just to catch up on some stuff. A lot of the stuff I'm doing right now is kind of just extra, which is not really gonna be used or applicable very much, but somehow I've got one book that I really need to finish, which is a couple weeks, and then I'm done.
Brett Ethridge (05:05.976)
Nice.
Perry (05:29.414)
So it'll be done even before May and I graduate. And then just math and language arts and we're going to Puerto Rico. So that's gonna be my, that'll finish out my Spanish for the year. It'll be great.
Brett Ethridge (05:44.803)
Nice.
Perry (05:45.933)
Yeah, and then this summer and place I will go to the beach and be running some charters and I'm working on getting my Six-pack captain's license right now I'm actually going down to the coast to do the test and the class this weekend, which is gonna be really fun And then over the summer, you know me and dad are gonna be running charters. It'll be a lot of fun and then soon hopefully I you know get all the stuff figured out for the license because it's a lot of Government stuff even after you go and you pass the test it can take up to a few months like dad had I mean it took how many months did it take
for you. mean, seven or eight months to get it back. Yeah, I was going to say it took a while and then it varies. know, Pop got his back in like he was he was done with it in less than two months and it took dad like seven or eight. So it's kind of just going to vary there. But we'll run charters again.
Brett Ethridge (06:32.45)
That is your moment.
Perry (06:34.37)
Yeah, we'll run charters again with under my license. And then once JP gets his license, future summers, Lord willing, if that's something he's still interested in pursuing, then he can run those charters on his own. And that was the goal. know long-time listeners will remember, think back to when I was first talking about establishing this charter business so that JP could A, have a little ice cream sample, see if he likes it, and then B, have something to kind of springboard run with to get started.
once he does decide to branch out and run that on his own. So I feel like we're moving along well in that plan or in that process. I agree 100 % moving along very well with that.
Brett Ethridge (07:17.762)
And so what does that look like then? that's your summer, but then all of sudden it's fall moving into winter. Now it's like, okay, what does the rest or at least the next part of my life look like? Do you have any other ideas for jobs? Perry mentioned college is your choice. What are you thinking along those lines? Are you going to be able to do fishing? You can't really do fishing charters throughout the winter. So what are your prospects? What are you thinking at this point about the next chapter of your life and maybe the early stages of your career?
Perry (07:48.569)
So be working at the gym again over the fall and winter and then spring before next summer comes around. But during that time, be doing some other jobs of some kind, whether it's my own stuff, whether it's doing some side hustles for different people, picking up a second job, working and doing some welding, something like that. I also want to grow and learn a lot more about the stock market and really get into trading that, as well as figure out and learn a little bit about buying houses.
under foreclosure, know, getting them ready and being able to Airbnb those, which is something that I will also be doing over the next few years. And the fall is going to be time where I grow my knowledge and be able to buckle down and make some more money as well and not worry so much about the college aspect of things. So college is not on the forefront of my mind there unless the Lord is all of sudden like, actually, guess what? All the plans you thought you had, I'm going to change those. So we'll see how that actually goes.
That's a great caveat.
Brett Ethridge (08:48.942)
It is. I love the caveat and actually rate. We may or may not get into the book and the application guys. We're just sort of going where I feel like the Lord has put some questions on my heart. And that's actually an interesting segue question for you though, JP. I've been listening to a podcast series by John Eldridge.
So you guys may know John Eldridge. He became famous for writing the book Wild at Heart. In fact, when Perry and I kicked off this entire podcast years ago, we started by going through one of his books, Fathered by God. He just has a lot of wisdom. He talks a lot about fatherhood and so forth. And I've always enjoyed his podcast. He has a lot of interesting guests and talks about a lot of really important and interesting things. And he's in the middle of a series right now talking to young men and just asking them
What's going through your mind, man? Like where like what is the world telling you these days? What are your thought processes? What are your fears? What are your hopes? Where's the enemy may be coming against the younger generation and young men in the world today in terms of relationships, in terms of career. So I know that's a huge, deep, heavy question, but I want to put it to you because I think the couple of younger guys in their early 20s that he's been talking to on the podcast have had some really interesting things to say and
And I would just be curious at this point to hear maybe some of your initial thoughts as you're thinking about career, dating, I believe you have a girlfriend, right? And you're thinking about marriage potentially and honoring honoring God in the relationships that you're in and things like that. What are one, two, three things that keep you awake at night might not be the right words, but like what's it's heavy on your heart? What is the world telling you?
Perry (10:20.386)
I do, yes sir.
Brett Ethridge (10:40.824)
What are things that you may be concerned about, hopeful about in today's world? Just freeform a little bit, man. What's going through your mind?
Perry (10:47.82)
Yeah, I mean that's that's a really big question for sure and I feel like we can break it down into a couple different pieces there, know instead of just being one overall blanket, but breaking it down into a couple pieces is kind of my first thought in that so we can go in depth on it a little bit more but there's a lot of things that I can say on that so where would you like to start with it because I can start wherever you want
Brett Ethridge (11:12.782)
Let's start with your statement. You said God could totally change that. My thoughts are in college, for example, is trying to discern God's will for your life important to you? And if it is, how do you go about that? How do know if stock market trading is what God has for you and so forth? And is that important to you as you're trying to make some of these decisions?
Perry (11:20.332)
Yeah.
Perry (11:40.109)
Yeah, definitely important to me. I mean, just praying, asking him like, what's next? Where do you want me to go? And trying to listen. It's a really big thing. Like, I want financial freedom in my life as I get older. And once I'm ready to have kids, I want to be able to be there, raise them. I want to be able to homeschool them, not put them in a public school system where there's many different aspects to that. And I don't want them in a lot of it. So.
that's important to me and that comes with financial freedom and stock markets and owning your own business as well as real estate and things like that is really good ways to do it and things that are of my interest and as of right now the Lord is not pulling me away from those he's kind of given me avenues to look into them and people that I have in my family and to know ask questions and learn from so I feel like from what I know right now it's kind of a
step in the right direction instead of the wrong direction. But it does matter a lot and if he says otherwise then I pray that it's clear in the other direction not trying to look through a tinted glass window or something, you know.
Brett Ethridge (12:54.412)
Yeah. The fact that it's even important to you and it's on your radar and it's something you're praying about and seeking, obviously step number one, right? A lot of people just dive in head first based on what their parents are telling them they should do or what society is telling them they should do. And here's how to get rich and you know that.
can sometimes lead you down the path that's just not right for you. good for you on that front. think one of the things that some of the young men on the podcast have been saying is that they do just struggle a little bit with worrying that they are out of God's will or that they are pursuing something that maybe isn't right for them. And so do you feel any kind of dissonance along those lines as you're starting on the path that you've just sort of laid out there for us?
Perry (13:16.184)
Yeah.
Perry (13:41.197)
I mean, yeah, for me it's a lot of like,
kind of more so being anxious on like what's next? Is this really what I'm supposed to be doing? What should I be doing? you know, from being just turning 18, my thought process, okay, well, what do I need to learn? What do I need to know? I need to make more money. I need to do this stuff to where I'm actually ready to be able to take on responsibilities and really becoming adult and work on owning my own business and all these kind of things. So it's it's a...
It's a stress factor, I guess you could say, but it's more of a second guessing yourself rather than a stress factor. Or even second guessing the Lord, like is this really what I need to be doing kind of thing? So.
Brett Ethridge (14:29.516)
And I would just encourage you and say that in our 40s, I think a lot of us are still asking the same things. I know I am. It's like.
Perry (14:35.908)
For sure. Yeah. Yeah.
Brett Ethridge (14:40.334)
Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Am I in God's will? And I think, I think sometimes you flow right in it. Sometimes you'll find yourself in seasons of life where you know for sure you're operating in your strengths, you're operating in exactly what God's called you to. You feel on purpose, you feel intentional, but just sort of the nature of life. There are seasons, economies change, the world changes, your business evolves and changes, and you start to ask yourself those exact same questions in your 40s that you're asking yourself, 18, 19, 20 as well.
I don't know if you have any any thoughts on that yourself, Perry. Is that something you? You wrestle with yourself.
Perry (15:09.613)
Yeah.
Perry (15:13.252)
Yeah, I completely agree with that. And I think that sometimes the Holy Spirit will, in God's own way, give us those little glimpses if we do get out of line.
then the Holy Spirit in God's way and God's time will give us those little glimpses so that we can come into the awareness of, whoops, whoops, I was a little bit off track here. And for my own life as an example, Nancy and I were working so hard to work ourselves out of the day-to-day of this business because we wanted to be retired before we were 50. We did it and then, you know,
I just thought, cool, I'm just gonna ride my motorcycle every day. This is awesome. And it really took a little bit of time and season for me to go, wait, that's not what I'm supposed to be doing. And I'm still at a point now, it's like, okay, well we've gotten the business to this place. What does God want to do with my time?
because now I've opened up this large section of time in my life, this time freedom that I never had before, how does God want me to use that to glorify His name and to grow His kingdom in the midst of this? I know that it's not just for leisure, you know, it's not just for my leisurely enjoyment. That's not the purpose of this season of my life. so...
I've tried a couple little side hustles. They were here and are there, you know, et cetera, et cetera. And so I'm actively seeking out, okay, Lord, what do you want me to be doing with my days right now? You know? And so yeah, I completely agree with you that it doesn't go away just because we get some age on us, just because we get some experience on us. We still have that process of life is dynamic and changing and we still have to be seeking the Lord out. And I just want to...
Perry (17:18.062)
compliment and affirm you JP to say I Love that you kind of lay out a plan and go as long as the Lord Doesn't change that as long as the Lord doesn't tell me otherwise, you know I love that about you. I love your heart in that to say hey, this is what I this is the direction I think I'm going in but if God throws me a curve, baby, I'll take it I love that. So that's awesome
Brett Ethridge (17:41.838)
For sure. Do you feel pressure from society, from the world, so to speak, to do something different, go to college, take a corporate job? You know, I don't know, are your peers homeschooled? Maybe you're not feeling some of the pressure that some other traditional public high school kids are feeling, but do you feel any sort of outside pressure to...
do something or be something that maybe you're not feeling in your guts the right thing. We're not.
Perry (18:14.34)
So much that's not the right thing, not really. I mean a lot of the... What you called us, society around us... Honestly, I really look at and go, what the heck are we doing? It
It really, it really makes me feel bad and almost disgusted with a lot of what's around me. I'm like, I don't even, I don't even want to just put up with you guys or be around you guys or deal with all of your stuff. So it's, it's not so much in that aspect of like, am I pressured to do it or something like that? More so I would be pressured to do something about it or do something for the better of society to help with that rather than being pulled
into it in my eyes. I just, I look at it and I'm like, man, I just don't get it. It doesn't make any sense to me. So.
Brett Ethridge (19:11.544)
drawn a lot of hope from this conversation. I'm encouraged man. It's good to hear you say that. I like that. That's awesome. Yeah.
Perry (19:13.252)
Yeah, will say I will say to this to JP and get you to maybe have some reflection on this. There was definitely a season, you know, six or eight months ago where you were feeling like.
you needed more from your high school education than you got. I'm from the outside looking in, my perspective was that was coming from your relationship with Sarah, who I love and she's amazing and I love y'all's relationship, et cetera, et cetera. But it seemed like because and she's not, you know, conventional public school, but she is conventional education through private Christian school.
But there did seem like a season where you felt like you needed either a more in-depth level of education, more structure in your education, more something than the less conventional or less structured or, know, however you want to define the way we homeschool, kind of piecemeal, pull some from this and pull some from that.
It did seem like you had a sense of like really urgency and like for sure frustration towards that has that and that has since seemed like it's gone away it has and just That definitely was not coming from sarah. That was more of my own internal thought of man. I'm gonna graduate soon
and myself kind of just going, no, what am I supposed to be doing? What do I need to know? And then I look around and some of the people that I hang out with are a lot smarter than me. I've done okay in school. I'm not utterly retarded by any means, but I definitely, I definitely am not as smart.
Perry (21:11.712)
as smart as some of those around me. So from looking at that, then I'm like, man, what am I supposed to be doing? Where do I go right now? And that kind of just got to me. It didn't have to do with Sarah or her input. That was just my own mental brain, you know, running on override, just kind of tripping myself out a little bit. Do you feel like that's changed because you have a different perspective on the value of that? Or do you feel like it's changed because you spent a little extra time and did some of the extra studying and kind of learned those things that you
wanted to learn or maybe it's a little bit of both. Definitely a little bit of both. Definitely doing a little bit of the extra studying and kind of just doing it and being like okay I get this and then it's also like this really has absolutely no place and I'm not gonna be using it so it's like I'm freaking out about stuff that a lot of people know.
But it's not actually going to be used and like it was always there and in the back of my head like yes I know this fact, but it's not necessarily like Hardwired into me if that makes any sense like I I know it to be true, but then if you don't do it It's kind of like But am I missing something? So that that was definitely there as well, and then just doing the work and actually learning some of it and going okay Well, this really isn't that hard. It's just it just takes up time or just does something like that
And it was kind of those aspects that built on top of each other to kind of go okay I get this and I learn it and I understand it this makes sense and then other parts of it were like well this is just dumb like I don't I don't really know why I Needed to learn this part or be doing this you know so like for we could use an example like my civics class like
I really like that class, you know, I learn a lot about it. It's talking all on our government and history of it and stuff like that. And it's a lot of fun. I learn stuff and it's great. I'm almost done with the book. And that one's a great one that I really like. And then my English, excuse me, my English class, you know, I'm going through it and I'm like, man, this is really cool stuff, but I'm really not gonna use this.
Perry (23:17.406)
So, you know, it's there and I enjoy it, you know, I'm learning something and I'm doing stuff, but then I'm like, I'm really not going to be learning a lot of this. So that's just two examples of like both sides of the spectrum there.
Brett Ethridge (23:30.978)
For sure. And in an ever changing world of AI and so forth, lot of what previously you would have thought would be important to know is not nearly as relevant as it may have been otherwise. And I think it's going to be a lot of the softer skills and some of the hard trade skills and some of the things that you're talking about that will be relevant for you from a financial standpoint, at least. so, yeah, that's good. That's really helpful insight.
Perry (23:35.051)
man.
Brett Ethridge (23:56.47)
You're right that I threw a big blanket out there, talked a little bit about career and purpose and so forth. Talk about.
kind of what you're thinking about family and fatherhood and, you know, projecting out, whether it's with Sarah, I don't know the nature of your relationship or whoever you might ultimately marry. How much, how much do you think about fatherhood and the type of father you want to be? already talked about how you know that you want to be able to provide financially for your family and so forth, but I'm talking more about the issues of the heart and the character and the father you want to be and the man you want to be. And maybe some of the things that stand firm and act like men and what it really looks like to
be on guard for your family, to be watchful for your family. Maybe talk about a few of the aspects of what you're already thinking about in terms of future fatherhood.
Perry (24:44.13)
Yeah, that's a really good question. I like it a lot. The book that we talked about a few minutes ago, Wild at Heart, that's a great book. I really like it. And just like Stand Firm and Act Like Men, it's got aspects of what I think is really important in it for young men to grow up, what it means to be a father, and in both ways. I also look at my dad and my granddad, Pop as an example. think Pop's been on the show once before, maybe twice.
that a year ago maybe. It's been a while, but both of them have been a huge
aspect in growing up and what it means to be a man as well as a father figure or you know what you should what a father should entail in life and then I work with kids at the gym so you see a lot of the good and the bad between fathers and relationships there with their kids and it's something that
that really hits home for me because teaching kids and walking in the doors here at the gym four or five days a week, sometimes even more, and teaching kids or hanging out with kids, it kind of gives me just insight on what I want to be and it's really...
eye-opening and I enjoy that a lot. But for myself, I want to be a very present father one day, you know, be able to be there, always be able to be trusted and leaned on when needed and that aspect there.
Brett Ethridge (26:21.272)
Yeah, I'll put you on the spot even a little bit more. want to dig into maybe a few specific examples. Role models are important. We often tend to recreate what we saw, what we grew up with, how our own fathers were for better or for worse. In your case, you're lucky. You get a lot of for better.
What's one or two things that you're like, if I could be like my dad in this way as a father, I'll be doing well. And then I'll put you on the spot a little bit, even with your dad sitting next to you. Is there like one or two things that it's like, here's what I'm going to do differently? And maybe the answer is no, but like, man, if I should have had a TV in my room growing up, I'm going to let my kids have a TV in my room growing up.
Perry (26:59.33)
Definitely not, definitely not.
Brett Ethridge (27:01.182)
Exactly, My kids, that's what my kids are like, I should have a TV in my room. No, you shouldn't. I said, I didn't have a TV in my room growing up. And there's like, that's because you're old today. Everybody has TVs in the room. I said, I don't care. You're not so like, good to hear that answer. But is there anything that's like, I'm going to do these things differently as a father. Anyway, maybe one or two of each.
Perry (27:13.356)
Right, right.
Perry (27:19.446)
Yeah, yeah, so you know to start out doing things like my dad a lot of the adventures, you know Love being able to do the adventures and that's something that I've always loved You know as a family dad's always you know being there or helping us out in these super fun adventures He's always like the instigator of yeah, let's go do it. Let is it a little dangerous? Well Maybe but that's beside the point right? We're gonna go do this fun thing. We're not gonna be dumb about it, but
But the dangerous factor is just, it's there, you know? It should be acknowledged, but it shouldn't be dwelled upon. And I really, really like that and that's something I've always taken to heart.
And then kind of on the opposite spectrum of that, another thing that is in the positive, not negative here, we'll get into that later, but the positive is, know, as I've grown up, I've seen dad put in a lot of hard hours of work, a lot of nights spent at the gym where I didn't see him, you know, other than here at the gym for like a couple days, you know? It'd be, hey mom, when's dad gonna be back at the house? Well, he's at work, he's working late tonight. We'll see him tomorrow when we go to the gym. Okay, cool.
Cool.
And you know, that was something that I was like, man, I really wish dad was here. I want to be able to tell him good night. But then, you know, as you get older, for me, I can look back on those and go, yeah, because we got to do all these hard things, it was because dad put in so many hours at the gym, know, putting in 60, 70, 80 hour weeks at the gym where he's just working till midnight and then waking up in the morning on the couch and doing it.
Perry (29:02.946)
again just so that we are able to go on those special adventures and we're able to have fun over the summer or on a weekend and do stuff like that. So that's that's two things that
Brett Ethridge (29:14.702)
That me hope that maybe somewhere deep down our kids do appreciate us, a little bit. At some point they'll see the sacrifice because sometimes I wonder if my kids see any of the sacrifice. Anyway, that's funny and that's awesome. Kudos to you, JP, and kudos to you, Perry.
Perry (29:21.252)
Yeah, that's right.
Perry (29:26.403)
Yeah.
Perry (29:29.784)
Yeah.
Perry (29:33.4)
Thanks. Yeah, and sometimes they, you know,
Perry (29:38.861)
It's really awesome and rewarding to hear JP recognize that sacrifice. you know, in the later years, I haven't worked that much. And so I have this kind of internal fear like, no, are my kids gonna... Did I work so hard when they were young so that I could have time with them as they're older?
that they're gonna have a misperception of what it requires, you know, to be in business for yourself. Are they gonna think, oh, you don't ever have to work? Oh yeah, when you're in business for yourself, you don't have to have to work. And so I have this kind of internal fear that like, oh no, by my lack of time spent in my business for the last few years, have I led my kids astray? And so it's very, very reassuring.
to hear JP express those memories of recognizing that dad put in the work when we were young so that we could have this time together now. But I do think, Brett, that, I mean, obviously there's no way that our kids can see the full sacrifice that we.
give us dads until I think they become dads themselves, right? And then they're gonna think back and go, oh man, I remember when dad pulled me aside, we had this conversation, that must've been really hard, you know? Or I remember when dad gave up X, Y, or Z so that we could, you know, I think that, I think that that insight is only gonna come as he steps into that role himself and is doing it himself.
I think then he'll look back, hopefully, and see that I've done that and he experienced it on the receiving end. He won't know the full measure of how he experienced that on the receiving end until he is on the giving end, if that makes sense.
Brett Ethridge (31:41.454)
for sure. I a few follow-up questions but I'm curious did you come up with anything where maybe I've already started to think about how I might do things a little bit differently or no? He's got a big smile on his face. I like it.
Perry (31:52.293)
I mean, there's always something different, you know, as... as,
I'm sure you guys remember and a lot of the people listening would remember or know for right now, you know, you think back and you, well, I wish I was going to do this different or I'm going to do this different than, you know, my parents did. And a lot of that stuff is like little stupid fun stuff. And then a lot of it's like maybe something that's, you know, kind of significant for me. I don't really notice any kind of big significant things. But like.
just a funny little one is like, I'll probably let my kids go and have sleepovers. Like that's something we never gotta do. And I'm always like, man, I'd love to do that. Now it's not so much of a thing, you know, I go and I'm like, hey, and I call my buddy, I'm like, hey, let's go camping. And then he's like, all right, sure. You know, we take John boats to the lake and we go out to the island and we go camp and fish for a weekend. it's not the same, but I like.
As a little kid, it's like, I want to go and I want to have a sleepover. You you got three friends or a couple friends and they're like, you want to come have a sleepover? And you're like, I'd love to. And then you can't. So that's one thing that like, I'll let them do that. And you know, I understand the reason for it. I know why and everything. So it's not going to be with any random old Joe Schmo kind of people, but that is something that they will probably get to do.
Brett Ethridge (33:24.078)
only little pushback I'm going to ask is if you have a daughter will you let her have a sleepover? Because I, in the same way I let my boys have a sleepover and with my girl I'm like there's no way you're just not. I could trust these families as much as I want. I could think I know everything but I don't know. see how I feel about it when she's a little bit older but anyway the dynamic shift a little bit there. What are your thoughts on this Perry?
Perry (33:25.826)
Yeah.
Perry (33:43.192)
Yeah. Yeah.
Perry (33:47.529)
I think that he might change his mind when he actually has a I think that, I think you might change his mind when he's got that kid to look after. He might not, you he might go, no, it's fine, it's good. You know, I'm going to be real particular with who I choose. But like you said, Brett, like,
Brett Ethridge (33:51.617)
You
ends on the state of the world at that point, I suppose.
Perry (34:09.314)
you know, we would let the kids sleep over at grandparents. And then there was one, there's one family that we would let them sleep over. But we would let other, you know, a broader spectrum of kids could have come, spent the night at our house. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, like you said, yeah. Right.
Brett Ethridge (34:25.752)
Yeah, maybe that's the way it is. We've had a lot of kids spend the night at our house because I know us and I trust us and so forth and they trusted us. But I'm trying to remember actually have my kids had sleepovers with anybody other than family. Yeah, Ben did. Ben's done it a couple of times and actually Jackson did. Yeah, so I've let the boys but I stick by my stance on my girl. I'm not quite sure about her. We'll see. Yeah. Okay, that's awesome. Good stuff.
Perry (34:44.61)
Yeah. No.
Brett Ethridge (34:55.372)
Yeah, really good stuff. So another another just sort of thread I want to pull on a little bit is and what I heard sort of in your last discussion point, it's so true, right, as the adage goes, so much more is caught than taught. And it sounds like a lot of what you think about fatherhood and coming of age and all of those types of things.
is caught, it's watching your dad, it's recognizing and picking up on the fact that he stayed at the gym until midnight and he didn't sit you down and have a conversation about work ethic, son, you got to work hard and maybe he did, I don't know, but it's like, you just sort of pick up on that type of stuff. But maybe could share a little bit again, thinking about the book, anything, you and you reference Wild at Heart, like ways that you want to be. I your dad's done coming of age trips with you, your 13 trip and your camping trips and you've continued that tradition on your birthday and so forth.
How much of what you think about fatherhood and manhood would you say has come through deliberate conversations? I remember when my dad said this, I remember sitting around the campfire and talking about X, Y, and Z, and you don't have to reveal the intimacies of conversations you've had, but, and how much of it would you say is, man, I just think I have learned what it means to be a man and an adult and a husband and a father by what I have picked up by observing? How would you sort of break down that balance?
Perry (36:21.218)
Honestly, I'd say it's probably You know like an 80 to 20 % You know from sitting down and listening is like
the 20 % range that actually being observant and picking up on stuff is more of that 80 to maybe even 90 % of like what I've learned or how what's made up my mind and decision over the years, know, listening to other conversations or hearing discussions, you know, in addition to watching things rather than a face to face conversation with me personally.
that's it's definitely more so being observant and watching than listening for sure.
Brett Ethridge (37:06.164)
Are there any moments that stand out that you reflect back on that? My dad got real firm with me in this moment. I knew it was time to take something seriously, or I do remember him giving me this bit of advice that really stuck with me, or we sat down and read the Bible together and that was impact. Like anything you could point to in that 20 % that maybe has stuck with you or been impactful.
Perry (37:30.068)
I would say some of the trips that we've taken, just some of the conversations that we've had on trips, you know, I couldn't necessarily recall all the conversations. I'd only be able to recall maybe a couple at best, but just those memories of like we talked about something.
and it was very impactful there. But like I said, I don't know if I can remember exactly what that something we talked about is, but I know it's tucked away and it was a lesson learned that was more from talking and having a discussion than observing.
Brett Ethridge (37:51.171)
Yeah.
Brett Ethridge (38:07.298)
Yeah, but that's crucial. mean, that's huge what you just said, because even if you don't remember the specifics, you remember that it did happen. You remember that your dad cared. There's a feeling that comes from the experience of feeling loved, of feeling like you're important, of feeling like your dad cares, of feeling that he's actually there with me, present in this moment, sitting around a campfire or whatever it is. I have no idea what he said, but I knew that I mattered to him and so forth. And so that stuff, that's absolutely huge. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, very important.
Good stuff, man. Perry, anything you want to tease out from the book or otherwise as we sort of wrap up this conversation?
Perry (38:40.996)
Yeah, yeah, I want to
sure.
Perry (38:55.92)
I like, don't want to talk about the specifics of the details of it, but I just want to talk about it in a general sense. I will say that I think that from the outside looking in, one of the things that I remember from a fatherhood perspective of feeling like I sensed a strong impact on JP as the son is, JP is a very,
very straight edge, toe the line, do what's right, know, one to honor God, one to honor my parents type of personality if you guys haven't already picked up on that yet. But he's also still human. I mean, he's just a person, you know, he's a kid learning how to grow up and be a man and he makes mistakes. And so one of the things that I think back on is a shortcoming that he had, a mistake that he made.
and we had a conversation about it and I think his expectation was that there was just going to be this huge wrath of God coming down on him over this.
mistake over this path that he had been on and that wasn't my heart at all. It wasn't his mother's heart at all. Our heart was grace and love and forgiveness and obviously we want to see him turn towards the right direction. We want him to get back on the right path. Oh, he's gotten off the path. Let's get back on the right path. But we want to express grace and love.
towards you and I got the impression that that was like a significant impact on your life during that season because his expectation was like because Nancy and I have high standards, because we have high expectations of our kids, because we want them to be on the path of righteousness and holiness and aligned with God's will.
Perry (40:52.452)
When one of our kids gets off that path, you know, think sometimes kids expect like this hammer to come down. Well, that's not the way we see the Lord treat. That's not how the Lord treats me when I screw up. So I don't want to treat my kids that way when they get out of line. And so, you know, one of the things I think that
As I think back as to your, you know, you're growing into this manhood, the season of growing into manhood, that seemed like one thing that was a, you know, it was positively impactful in your heart, the way that your mom and I responded during that season of time. Yeah, definitely, definitely. And so that's an encouragement to the dads out there, like, hey, your kids are going to screw it up. Your sons are going to make mistakes. Your daughters are going to mess up.
And yes, we want to hold them accountable. Yes, we want to talk to them about sin in their life or things that go awry or getting off the path. But we want to do that with grace and love and empathy and kindness and gentle. We want to speak that truth in love and gentleness with our kids. And I think that that.
has the potential to have a more positive impact on their hearts and their lives than if you just come hammer down. I don't know. mean, I think it's a lot better.
Brett Ethridge (42:15.67)
I think you're exactly right. Does the way that you would handle that change based on how old they are? in other words, that within his teenage years where now it's like, because I remember, and I may have shared this in my...
Perry (42:23.588)
Sure.
Brett Ethridge (42:30.862)
in another podcast episode, I can't remember, but this idea that I heard from my pastor back in Colorado years ago. And it was such a profound concept that it sort of always stuck with me even before I was a father. was newly married with my wife and thinking I would be a father someday. But he was talking about fatherhood and just parenting and stuff like that. And he goes, know, when your kids are young, your job is to be Moses to them.
But then as they get older, your job is to be Jesus to them. And so what I hear you describing, Perry, is more how Jesus would handle us is how it's time to handle our kids with a little bit of grace, a little bit of mercy. We still have expectations about right living and right behavior. But more than that, I love you, son. Yeah, I just I love you. My heart is for you. And so forth, when they're 10. Our job is to be the law, to be Moses, and maybe we don't treat it quite the same way. The love is still there, but if it's time to
you know, inflict a consequence or a punishment or whatever, it's time to do that as they're younger. So, you know, what are your thoughts on sort of the seasonality of how you would approach discipline?
Perry (43:27.14)
Sure.
Perry (43:36.537)
Yeah, I love that idea of Moses when they're young and Jesus says they're older. I think that's a brilliant insight and a fantastic analogy. Nancy and didn't set out with the intention of that, like the forethought of this is how we're gonna do that. But I'm curious to see how JP's perspective from the kid's side of it is. I think that's how we did it.
Yeah, definitely, definitely more so in that aspect. And I definitely agree with that. As a kid is younger and as a kid is really growing and becoming an older kid and their mind is more developing, it takes more of a...
as you said, that Moses standpoint on discipline rather than more of that Jesus standpoint on discipline. But as a kid grows and learns and becomes who they're going to be, that Jesus standpoint is really more impactful than it is the Moses standpoint there, which is not always the case for a younger kid. But as kids get older, I definitely would agree with that.
Brett Ethridge (44:45.678)
Awesome. I've enjoyed the conversation a lot. Like I said, I've drawn hope from it. JP, you're a good young man. guess maybe as a parting question and then Perry, any final thoughts or questions you would have. what are you hopeful for? What are you excited about? You're about to graduate. It's just such a, man, what a good time in your life. And just enjoy it. Like I don't have words of wisdom or anything. But just looking back on kind of 18, man, the world's your oyster, so to speak. The world can be...
A hard place, could be a scary place, but it could also be a fun place, a hopeful place, an optimistic place. mean, thinking about a family you may have someday, thinking about fishing charters and deepening in your relationship with your girlfriend and just man, good for you. what a fun time to be alive, loved by your family, having a safe place to kind of figure it out, knowing they're not booting you out of the nest, all of those types of things, you're in a good place. So good for you. What are you hopeful for? What are you excited about in the next year or two of your life?
Perry (45:44.889)
Man, I'm very excited about my relationship with Sarah. It's really great and it's awesome, to say the least. And I'm really excited for that and I'm really excited for the growth that we have and the growth that will happen over the next years and everything. I'm definitely very excited for that and I'm excited to see where the Lord takes me and what paths he leads me down for sure and just see what's next. I'm excited, real excited for that. So it'll be fun.
Brett Ethridge (46:17.592)
Barry, any parting thoughts or ideas or words?
Perry (46:20.132)
I am overjoyed and very excited just about JP's life, where he is, his heart for the Lord, his wisdom beyond his years, his maturity. I'm excited that he's, that...
I think it's a combination of Nancy and my approach to parenting, a combination of grace and goodwill of the Lord and JP's personality that he's not like 18, boom, and just gone. know, cause I mean.
A lot of kids can't wait to get out of the house. I'm sure that there's a lot of circumstances where that's justifiable, right? And so I'm just excited that it's not like 18 and he's gone. I want him to grow up. I want him to step into his manhood. I'm not trying to hold him into childhood. That's not my heart at all. But I'm excited we got a little more time of like, hey, we're walking through this together.
I mean, I'm really excited to see where the next couple years take him and what the Lord leads him into and just excited to be on the path with him. Yeah, it's great.
Brett Ethridge (47:39.154)
And what I hear you saying, right, I think about some of the other conversations we've had with some other guests on the podcast who talk about the dynamics of the relationship with an adult son and how it changes and how much fun it is. It's almost like now you guys are friends like you've been his father, but now you're like friends and you're still going to do fun things together and do charters. And he's still going to maybe but he can't he can't discipline you. I mean, he could discipline you, I suppose. But the dynamic of the relationship, he's not sending you to your room. He's not grounding you. And so
Perry (47:46.914)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Perry (48:00.228)
Yeah.
Brett Ethridge (48:05.772)
the dynamic changes and it's fun. And that's really cool to see that you guys still have a relationship. Like you said, Perry, he's not trying to get out of your, you he's not trying to leave you in the dust and so forth. But it is time for him to spread his wings, start his own family and move on. that's gonna be fun to watch you guys evolve in that relationship and see where it goes. So, very cool. Excited for you guys. Yeah. And JP, you know, if and when.
Perry (48:26.67)
Yeah. Thanks, brother.
Brett Ethridge (48:33.164)
you become a father, there's this really cool resource you could tap into. called the Faithful Fatherhood podcast. I don't know if you've heard of it. It's got a lot of pearls of wisdom, lots of really good episodes to teach you exactly how to be a father. So make sure to check that out. But no, in all seriousness, really excited to finally have or glad to have you on finally. Sorry, it took so long to get you on the show. But but thanks for sharing your heart and and kind of your thought process as you are becoming a man.
Perry (48:52.665)
yeah.
Perry (48:58.414)
For sure, for sure. Super excited and it was a good one. Glad to be here.
Brett Ethridge (49:04.268)
Awesome. Well, with that, will wrap up this episode of the Faithful Fatherhood podcast. Hope you guys have enjoyed following along. Stand firm and act like men and we will be in your feed again soon with more great content, hopefully other exciting guests. But today you got to hear from JP Hughes. So again, thanks for being on and we will talk with you again next time. Take care, everyone.
Perry (49:26.776)
Yoo-hoo! yeah!
Brett Ethridge (49:27.598)
All right, good stuff.
Perry (49:31.822)
Thanks buddy. on, tell that to the camera. I didn't shake it up. Do we believe that? Why are you smiling so hard? Seth, Seth came over and said, JP, I got, I got you this. I didn't shake it up.
Brett Ethridge (49:44.598)
What's the deal with it? What is it?
playing a prank on you?
Perry (49:53.092)
And then he couldn't knock the smile off of his face. It was in my pocket. And when I had it my leg, it was like, hell.
Brett Ethridge (49:57.422)
Yeah.
There's a drink, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, I promise. That's awesome.
Perry (50:05.388)
Nothing at all. Thanks.
Brett Ethridge (50:09.038)
Alright, good stuff. Enjoy the rest of your day. Talk to you guys later.
Perry (50:11.961)
Thanks brother, you too. Sweet, good to see you.
